marriage and commitment

Lately I've been thinking about marriage and commitments. In light of my recent circumstances, I am not a big fan of either but I can see why someone would want it. Spending time with someone special is nice. I can see how someone can look forward to the time they will spend with them. I sometimes get that feeling and yes, it is nice. However, I don't want it regularly, like everyday. I also enjoy, savor even, my quiet time. It is pure pleasure to have some alone time. I can safely say at this point in my life I do not want to get married again and I don't want a commitment. Perhaps it is because I am coming out of a bad relationship or perhaps it is because I am understanding the real me. I was never a big fan of long term relationships and I feel even more strongly now. Being in a bad relationship helped solidify my viewpoints and unfortunately I may never find that special someone.

That being said, it would be nice to have it but it would also be nice not to. What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy being by myself and I can enjoy spending time with someone. The problem I'm having is the long term commitment thing. I get bored easily and I don't have as much patience as I used to. After a while, that sexy man that used to light my fire won't create a spark and I will begin looking elsewhere. I like to roam and I think I should remain true to myself.

But what will I do when I am no longer attractive? I will not have an option or a choice. I will have to either have someone or be comfortable with the fact that I will spend my old age alone. But is that a bad thing? When I look at older couples, I think I am making a wise choice to be alone. I don't think I would be happy with someone but I will always wonder about the grass being greener on the other side. I don't think I will ever be satisfied.