I have flaws. I am not perfect. I can admit that. I have not been in a serious relationship before. I mean one that I want to work at and keep. I have never been in love. I've been in like, in lust and all that but not that serious stuff that can move mountains and break you down to someone you didn't know you were.
Well, I'm in a serious relationship. Perhaps I jumped into it too soon after my last relationship but when I met him, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to get to know him better. My feelings are growing stronger for him every day and to be honest, it is scaring me silly. I don't know what to say, when to say it, what to do and when to do it. I'm all mixed up inside and I have no idea what to do about it. I'm sure I'm driving him crazy and I truly don't want to do that. I hope he will be patient with me as I learn my way. I definitely have a lot to learn in this relationship department and I'm willing to do what it takes on my end to make this work. He is worth that.
I never thought I would ever meet someone who affects me this way. I never thought I could love anyone and be loved by anyone. I am learning how to trust him with my heart and smash the walls I have erected around it. To be honest, this is harder than leaving my husband. That was inevitable. This is a choice that I was reluctant to make at first but again, he is worth it.
Perhaps I think to much, analyze too much, worry too much. I need to relax and let this thing do what it do. I am so afraid I'm going to mess up and he won't want me anymore. If I were to lose him, I would be truly devastated. He makes me think, he makes me look inside myself whether I like it or not and makes me keep it real. I've never experienced that before and sometimes I like it, most times I don't. But I know it is necessary for my growth and for this relationship.
I didn't want to be in another relationship because I thought there was no such thing as a man for me. I truly didn't think he existed. Up until now, I was right. He changed my mind. There are good men out there who want to love and be loved in the true sense. God heard my heart and sent him to me. I didn't ask for it and I'm more than thankful that I got it. I will do what it takes to keep it too.
