The response

"I apologize for that email. I was just really upset, you know that aint like me. i was having a moment- sorry"

I didn't respond to his email when he called me names and I didn't respond to his attempt at an apology because I don't believe it. This is the type of behavior that led to the demise of our relationship. He would say/do mean, hurtful things, apologize and repeat the process. After 10 years of this, I got tired. That roller coaster ride got old.

I stayed as long as I did because I don't like divorce, I wanted the kids to have a 2 parent family unit, I felt guilty for wanting to leave and I wasn't financially prepared to do so. It took me 2 years to get over that and do what needed to be done and I have no regrets. I'm on the road to recovery and I am doing well in some areas and not so well in others which means I'm a work in process! I acknowledge my successes and my failures. I am also willing to take responsibility for my failures instead of going into denial. Progress!!

Going forward, I will continue to weigh my options and be careful to make the right decisions that work best for me. I will take advice if it is good and discount what isn't. I will continue to put me and my needs first on my list and will make an effort to not hesitate when changes are needed in my life and with the people in my life.

Continuing to keep it real, I have entertained the thought of getting married again but I know I'm not ready and perhaps never will. I will keep an open mind though because I am changing and I reserve the right to change my mind when I'm mature enough to do so. I will not allow others to persuade me to do otherwise no matter how good it sounds.

Keeping it real part 3

He asked me if I thought he was using me. I said no. He is but I'm allowing it so therefore I'm okay with it. In a relationship, there is a giver and a taker. He is a taker and I am a giver. I don't have a problem with it until it becomes the norm. I've never been in a relationship when it is reciprocal. I have usually been the giver and I usually get the shaft. I want to be the taker but when I am, I get bored. I prefer to be the giver but to a point. If I am being used, I have a problem with it. Especially if I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it. If I am, it is no problem. I need to know I am needed and APPRECIATED. I don't like being taken for granted although it is a natural, human tendency.

I think the reason he asked me that out of the blue is because he wanted to see if I thought he was. I do but I denied I did. Why? I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings by being honest. But he brought it up! What the hell is wrong with me? I HAVE to learn how to be honest and keep it real. Being an adult and acting like it is a bitch. We have to deal with the real or just be phony. I must learn not to care about others' feelings and care about mine. Everybody else seems to have gotten that memo but me.

I want to say what I feel, keep it real and do me. It is easier said than done but I will be happier in the long run. Doing me and keeping it real feels VERY GOOD. Right now, I'm doing me and I am extremely content. Perhaps I will get it one day and let this carry over into all the other aspects of my life, especially when it comes to my relationship. I have to accept that it is okay if he doesn't agree with me or like what I'm saying or doing. I HAVE TO DO ME! Forget about everything else. I was born into this world alone and I will die alone. I can't take anything or anyone with me. I will pray on this.

Trouble in paradise

You have resorted to calling me names like bitch, whore and slut.

What have I done to give you the impression that I'm any of these?

Why are you so comfortable calling me names and assuming it is okay to do so?

What role have I played to give you that impression?

The bigger question is, what am I going to do about it?

I have two options, accept it or reject it.

With either option, I still have to ask myself what role have I played in this? Instead of running away, as usual, it is time to get real.

Honestly, I am sick and tired of being treated this way. Did I ask for this? Apparantly so. I choose these types of men for a reason. Perhaps this is the opinion I have of myself. I am still dealing with insecurity, low self-esteem and the desire to be validated by others. I am fearful of rejection and detest disappointment. In spite of this, I continue to choose men who berate me, belittle me, humiliate me, scorn me, call me names, treat me unkindly, feed into my insecurities, contribute to my low self-esteem, reinforce my idea of me being less than and an object to be used.

It hurts me to realize I have such a low opinion of myself. It hurts me to know that I don't love myself enough to stop hurting myself by allowing others to continue to hurt me. I am disappointed in myself that I still haven't learned anything about myself and how to deal with others. I know I have a long way to go but I think I haven't made any progress at all. I now realize that my support group is right. I am not ready for a relationship. I thought I wanted one but that doesn't matter. I am not ready, I don't need to be in one. It is more work than I need or want.

Was I happier without a boyfriend? Not really. Having someone in my life does not contribute to my happiness. I thought it would. I thought it would fill a void that was missing. There was nothing missing in my life. There was no void. There was no complications, just my perception of one.

So what now?

Time to get real and keep it real

Introspection

I have flaws. I am not perfect. I can admit that. I have not been in a serious relationship before. I mean one that I want to work at and keep. I have never been in love. I've been in like, in lust and all that but not that serious stuff that can move mountains and break you down to someone you didn't know you were.

Well, I'm in a serious relationship. Perhaps I jumped into it too soon after my last relationship but when I met him, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to get to know him better. My feelings are growing stronger for him every day and to be honest, it is scaring me silly. I don't know what to say, when to say it, what to do and when to do it. I'm all mixed up inside and I have no idea what to do about it. I'm sure I'm driving him crazy and I truly don't want to do that. I hope he will be patient with me as I learn my way. I definitely have a lot to learn in this relationship department and I'm willing to do what it takes on my end to make this work. He is worth that.

I never thought I would ever meet someone who affects me this way. I never thought I could love anyone and be loved by anyone. I am learning how to trust him with my heart and smash the walls I have erected around it. To be honest, this is harder than leaving my husband. That was inevitable. This is a choice that I was reluctant to make at first but again, he is worth it.

Perhaps I think to much, analyze too much, worry too much. I need to relax and let this thing do what it do. I am so afraid I'm going to mess up and he won't want me anymore. If I were to lose him, I would be truly devastated. He makes me think, he makes me look inside myself whether I like it or not and makes me keep it real. I've never experienced that before and sometimes I like it, most times I don't. But I know it is necessary for my growth and for this relationship.

I didn't want to be in another relationship because I thought there was no such thing as a man for me. I truly didn't think he existed. Up until now, I was right. He changed my mind. There are good men out there who want to love and be loved in the true sense. God heard my heart and sent him to me. I didn't ask for it and I'm more than thankful that I got it. I will do what it takes to keep it too.

marriage part ll

I was checking my email when a got a thought. Perhaps I am not looking at my life and me correctly. Marriage is not necessarily a bad thing. Being married can mean that someone loves you and has chosen you to be their life partner. That is beautiful. I've been told that I look like I should be married. Well, technically I am but for all intents and purposes I am not. I never wanted to get married and now I am asking myself why. I don't like the commitment part because it is too restrictive but if it is someone that you truly love and want to spend your life with them, it is a beautiful thing.

I don't like the compromise part but again, if this person is someone you have strong feelings for, you want to compromise and you want to see things their way too. (I am still working on that one. I don't see how it benefits me yet). That being said, I have come a long way and have a long way to go.

At least at this point I am beginning to understand why people get married. I cannot say that I have changed my mind about marriage at this point. I still have no desire to jump the broom again. My wounds are still too fresh and too deep. Every time I meet someone new, it is like a brand new knife cutting into my heart. All the pain I experienced in my marriage comes back fresh. I am reminding that I do not want to be committed to anyone ever again. I do not want to set myself up for disappointment again. I am tired of the pain and the hurt and I still hold the belief that love hurts and it is still not worth it. I will continue to fight against falling in love, now more than ever.

love

I recently asked my man if he has ever been in love. He answered yes. Then, he asked me if I've ever been in love. I answered no. That got me to thinking, what is love? Of course love is an emotion but what IS it? Perhaps the question is, have I ever experienced it?

I think I have but I thought it was something else. What I felt didn't fit into the box that people have put love into. I develop strong feelings and rather quickly and it feels good. What I don't like is what comes with that feeling. The strong feelings that come quickly goes away equally as fast. It's like a sugar rush with the crash and burn. My feelings swing like a pendulum.

What has served me well is to avoid it. Even though it feels good, the pain feels worse and it isn't worth it. I try not to fall too fast too quickly but it doesn't always work. Presently, I am trying very hard not to fall in love with my man. He insists that I will fall in love with him and I don't doubt it. Of course I will not tell him that. I am trying to lead him to believe that love is not in the cards for me.

The reality is, it is already a done deal. I fell in love with him last night. God help me.

marriage and commitment

Lately I've been thinking about marriage and commitments. In light of my recent circumstances, I am not a big fan of either but I can see why someone would want it. Spending time with someone special is nice. I can see how someone can look forward to the time they will spend with them. I sometimes get that feeling and yes, it is nice. However, I don't want it regularly, like everyday. I also enjoy, savor even, my quiet time. It is pure pleasure to have some alone time. I can safely say at this point in my life I do not want to get married again and I don't want a commitment. Perhaps it is because I am coming out of a bad relationship or perhaps it is because I am understanding the real me. I was never a big fan of long term relationships and I feel even more strongly now. Being in a bad relationship helped solidify my viewpoints and unfortunately I may never find that special someone.

That being said, it would be nice to have it but it would also be nice not to. What I'm trying to say is that I enjoy being by myself and I can enjoy spending time with someone. The problem I'm having is the long term commitment thing. I get bored easily and I don't have as much patience as I used to. After a while, that sexy man that used to light my fire won't create a spark and I will begin looking elsewhere. I like to roam and I think I should remain true to myself.

But what will I do when I am no longer attractive? I will not have an option or a choice. I will have to either have someone or be comfortable with the fact that I will spend my old age alone. But is that a bad thing? When I look at older couples, I think I am making a wise choice to be alone. I don't think I would be happy with someone but I will always wonder about the grass being greener on the other side. I don't think I will ever be satisfied.

Alive in Joy

Dispelling Drama

There are scores of people in the world who seem to be magnets for calamity. They live their lives jumping from one difficult to the next, surrounded by unstable individuals. Some believe themselves victims of fate and decry a universe they regard as malevolent. Others view their chaotic circumstances as just punishments for some failing within. Yet, in truth, neither group has been fated or consigned to suffer. They are likely unconsciously drawing drama into their lives, attracting catastrophe through their choices, attitudes, and patterns of thought. Drama, however disastrous, can be exciting and stimulating. But the thrill of pandemonium eventually begins to frustrate the soul and drain the energy of all who embrace it. To halt this process, we must understand the root of our drama addiction, be aware of our reactions, and be willing to accept that a serene, joyful life need not be a boring one.

Many people, so used to living in the dramatic world they create, feel uncomfortable when confronted with the prospect of a lifetime of peace and contentment. The drama in their lives serves multiple purposes. Upset causes excitement, prompting the body to manufacture adrenaline, which produces a pleasurable surge of energy. For those seeking affection in the form of sympathy, drama forms the basis of their identity as a victim. And when drama is familial, many people believe they can avoid abandonment by continuing to play a key role in the established family dynamic. The addiction to drama is fed by the intensity of the feelings evoked during bouts of conflict, periods of uncertainty, and upheaval.

Understanding where the subconscious need for drama stems from is the key to addressing it effectively. Journaling can help you transfer this need from your mind onto a benign piece of paper. After repeated writing sessions, your feelings regarding the mayhem, hurt feelings, and confusion often associated with drama become clear. When you confront your emotional response to drama and the purpose it serves in your life, you can reject it. Each time you consciously choose not to take part in dramatic situations or associate with dramatic people, you create space in your inner being that is filled with a calm and tranquil stillness and becomes an asset in your quest to lead a more centered life.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

Walking Through

When Doors Open

When a door opens, walk through it. Trust that the door has opened for a reason and you have been guided to it. Sometimes we have a tendency to overanalyze or agonize over the decision, but it is quicker to simply go through the door and discover what’s there as that’s the only way to know. Even if it doesn’t seem right at first, opening this door may lead to another door that will take us where we need to go.

Doors open when the time is right for us to enter a new space, metaphorically speaking, and we can have faith that walking through is the right thing to do. Sometimes we linger in the threshold because we are afraid of leaving our old life for a life we know nothing about. We may have voices inside of our heads that try to hold us back or people in our lives saying discouraging things. These voices, internal and external, are known as threshold spirits, and they express all the fears and doubts that arise at the beginning of a new life. Nevertheless, none of these voices can hold us back, and they will fall silent as soon as we cross the threshold.

There are many doors that open in the course of our lives, leading us into new relationships, jobs, friendships, and creative inspirations. Our lives up to this point are the result of all the doors we have walked through, and our continued growth depends on our willingness to keep moving into new spaces. Every time we walk through an open door, we create a sense memory that encourages us to move into the new fearlessly. When we enter the new space, we almost always feel a thrill and a new feeling of confidence, in ourselves and in the universe. We have stepped across the threshold into a new life.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

Things may be simpler than you think

“Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.” Albert Einstein

Is personal development and improving yourself complicated? Sometimes. But in my experience, it’s very easy to make things a lot more complicated than they need to be. This can make goals a lot harder to achieve than they really need to be and add unnecessary stress.

So why do we do it? I mean, we don’t really want things to be more complicated and harder than they really are?

Well, actually, I believe that from time to time we may want them to be complicated. Two key reasons are:

Protection from pain.

By actually doing things, failing and learning you also need to expose yourself to pain and discomfort. By overcomplicating things and over thinking them you can create a helpful excuse to not take action. Instead you can remain in a state where you are “still trying to figure things out” for a long time.

The ego want more, more, more.

The ego tends to want to more. It wants to feel better or worse than someone else. By making things more complicated than they need to be you can make them feel very important. And since you are involved in these important things, well, then you have to be important too, right?

So you feel more important and often smarter since you are involved in all this complicated stuff – which feels good - but at the same time you make it harder to make actual progress and to take action by making things overly complicated, important and “heavy” in your own mind. You overcomplicate every issue and make it an intellectual discussion instead of a solution.

Another variation of this can be to make any personal development goal – or just anything your want out of life – in to this epic struggle. Either just in your mind or also by reading more and more about a topic.

The more you read about a topic the more complicated it seems in your mind and is also becomes “heavier”. What may have been pretty straightforward in real life becomes this huge struggle, where you are Rocky Balboa taking slow painstaking steps uphill against horrific odds. Yep, it’s a real inspiring thing as you struggle as the heroic underdog.


It’s also – again - a great way to make things so much harder for yourself. It’s you putting up imaginary obstacles in your own mind that aren’t even there in reality. The Rocky way of thinking about these things is very seductive. But life becomes so much lighter and easier when you just let that stuff go.

It’s a bit counter-intuitive and it took me quite some time to understand this. You think that an overly serious attitude may seem like the right attitude to help you achieve your goal.

But a more relaxed attitude where you tell yourself that what you are doing isn’t really that complicated, epic – millions of people have probably done what you want to do in last 1000 years or so – or super serious is often more effective to get the result you desire.

How to simplify your thoughts, plans, actions and life.

Here are four tips I use to simplify my life.

1. Bring awareness to you own thought patterns.
Ask yourself questions like: “Honestly, am I overcomplicating this?” “What is the simplest and most straightforward solution to my problem that I may be avoiding to protect myself from pain?”

2. What would Jason Bourne do?
I like to ask myself this question from time to time when I feel that I am making things a bit too complicated or when I’m thinking too much.
Now, the Bourne frame of mind isn’t about putting your car in reverse and going off rooftops.
It is about putting a stop to thinking and allowing yourself to work with what you already know. You allow the right action to arise from within rather than think a lot about it. You have trust in yourself and your experience.
This is what Jason Bourne does a lot of the time up on the movie screen. He does what he has learned, he let’s his body and subconscious do most of the doing. A lot of thinking would only hold him back.
As I have mentioned many times, I believe that thinking has its place. But to be wrapped up in it all the time often leads to much doubts within and little actually getting done. The thing is, you know what to do most of the time already. Don’t put up obstacles in your own way.

3. Let go of the need to feel smart or important.
Instead of deriving a sense of feeling good about yourself by feeling smart and important through over complicating or over thinking things just relax. Derive those positive feelings about yourself by doing what you know deep down are the right things to do instead. This will make your feel good about yourself – raise or maintain your self esteem – and give you practical results you can enjoy.

4. Realize that much of this is in your head.
Your relationships to what you want to achieve are – just like your relationships to people – to a large extent just in your head. Think that something is easy and simple instead of “heavy” and complicated and your perception of that external thing you want to achieve tends to change too. Experiment and find healthy and effective relationships to what you want to achieve instead of just seeing something like many people may do.

Your requested content delivery powered by FeedBlitz, LLC, 9 Thoreau Way, Sudbury, MA 01776, USA. +1.978.776.9498

Boldly Growing Into Your Own

Fear of the Future

Though much human fear is based on uncertainty, foreknowledge does not always ease the mind. It is often when our futures look brightest that our resolve crumbles and we veer off course. We can recognize that success is on the horizon, but we cannot discern how it will impact our lives. Because success can affect us in complex and unpredictable ways, taking us out of the status quo and pushing us into new circumstances that test our limits, the mere idea of attaining the life of our dreams can shake us to the core. Fear of the future is often closely intermingled with the fear that growing into your own potential will both change you irrevocably and force you to face situations that you aren’t ready for. It is normal to unconsciously project ahead into the future and see success as a great weight bearing down on you. It is important to remember, however, that all the life changes the future will bring will be implemented into your life slowly and gradually.

When we visualize the future, we tend to focus on outcomes rather than the steps we will take to reach those conclusions. Thus, we may forget that growth is progressive. Your soul longs to fulfill its purpose—a purpose you agreed to in the timelessness in which you existed before your birth. Because of this, neither you nor the universe will set any circumstance before you that you are not capable of handling. Fear of the future can paralyze you, preventing you from living in the moment and from working toward your goals in a mindful manner. The key to conquering this fear lies in awareness. When you can identify the irrational thoughts that frighten you, you can replace them with logical, self-affirming ideas. If you are afraid that you won’t be satisfied when you accomplish a certain goal, remember that no one achievement represents an end in and of itself. And if you fear recognition or feel unworthy, consider that even now you are deserving of praise.

Should fear of the future strike you as you strive to create, to excel, to grow, and to evolve, assert your courage. Assume that your fear is based on a false assumption and quell it with facts. Try to disregard past patterns and focus on the present by stilling the inner voice that comments critically on all you do. Tell yourself that the inevitability of your success is based not on luck or a universal mistake but on your already established talents, drive, imagination, and inner strength. Each time you overcome your fear of the future, you chip away at its very foundations. Eventually, you will clear a gap through which you can gaze upon the future with unhindered optimism.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

Divorce

I don't want a divorce but I need one. It would have been nice to have made a better decision about whom to spend my life with but I had no idea at the time. I tell myself that I did what I believed was best for me at the time but do I really believe that? Perhaps. All I know is that I'm going through the coulda, woulda, shoulda. I should have married better. I would have married better if I (insert excuse here). I could have...blah, blah, blah. Bottom line is, I am separated, I need a divorce and I have to deal with the situation as it is right now. I'm living at home with my parents. This is good for me but has drawbacks. I don't know if I'm ready to be on my own right now because I have so much healing to do. I can feel myself growing, changing, evolving and I'm very cool with that. I can honestly say that I like myself, more than I ever have before. I am looking forward to my future. God has something good for me and He is preparing me for it. I'm not ready for it now and I know this. I will allow Him to shape me, mold me and bless me in ways I can't comprehend. It is so awesome that He is so good and He loves me so much that He puts up with me and keeps me even when I'm not being the best person I can.

You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do

Becoming Your Wrong Decisions

Our perception of the traits and characteristics that make us who we are is often tightly intertwined with how we live our life. We define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures. As a result it is easy to identify so strongly with a decision that has resulted in unexpected negative consequences that we actually become that "wrong" decision. The disappointment and shame we feel when we make what we perceive as a mistake grows until it becomes a dominant part of our identities. We rationalize our "poor" decisions by labeling ourselves incompetent decision-makers. However, your true identity cannot be defined by your choices. Your essence—what makes you a unique entity—exists independently of your decision-making process.

There are no true right or wrong decisions. All decisions contribute to your development and are an integral part of your evolving existence yet they are still separate from the self. A decision that does not result in its intended outcome is in no way an illustration of character. Still, it can have dire effects on our ability to trust ourselves and our self-esteem. You can avoid becoming your decisions by affirming that a "bad decision" was just an experience, and next time you can choose differently. Try to avoid lingering in the past and mulling over the circumstances that led to your perceived error in judgment. Instead, adapt to the new circumstances you must face by considering how you can use your intelligence, inner strength, and intuition to aid you in moving forward more mindfully. Try not to entirely avoid thinking about the choices you have made, but reflect on the consequences of your decision from a rational rather than an emotional standpoint. Strive to understand why you made the choice you did, forgive yourself, and then move forward.

A perceived mistake becomes a valuable learning experience and is, in essence, a gift to learn and grow from. You are not a bad person and you are not your decisions; you are simply human.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

Bob Dylan's Top 3 Words of Wisdom

Here is some clarity though, some of my favourite words of wisdom from Dylan.

1. Find what you love to do.

“A lot of people can’t stand touring but to me it’s like breathing. I do it because I’m driven to do it.”
I think this is a first step that many of us have a big problem with. Or just forget about. Because when you find something you really love to do it doesn’t seem like work that much anymore.
When you do something you love you don’t have to push yourself so much. You keep going because you like doing it, not just because your want to reach some goal (although that can be exciting too). Taking action also becomes natural when you doing something you really want to do. A lot of the time you can’t wait to get going with it.
So the problem many of us encounter may not be that we don’t know enough tips to keep ourselves motivated to keep going. The problem may be that we are working on the wrong thing all together.
So do you find out what you really want to do?
I certainly don’t have all the answers for that one, but one tip is just to explore life.
To just try things out and see what you love. It’s easy to have theories about what you or may not like. But you never know until you have tried it for a while in real life.

2. Understand that success is today too.

“A person is a success if they get up in the morning and gets to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.”
When you read about success it often seems like something you should work towards. Something there in the distant future.
This way of thinking can lead to many ups and downs. Sometimes you feel really good and are working towards what you want in an effective way. Sometimes you feel like doing nothing. It can become a rollercoaster.
But one of the most important parts of success in area of your life is simply consistency. To get up in the morning each day and do what you know is right in your life.
Working out instead of coming up with excuses not to. Being kind and open instead of closing up and gossiping or trying to put someone down or making them wrong in an interaction or just in your head simply to feel better about yourself. Pushing a bit outside of your comfort zone instead of staying inside it and feeling safe.
How you live today and each today is very much connected to the most fundamental goals people have in life. To be healthy. To be effective and get the most important things done. To raise self esteem and self confidence and keep it at a high level (things that to a large part comes from taking responsibility for each day in your life and doing what you know is the right thing to do).
So success is not about what you do in a few inspired rushes towards the goal. Things take time. Often more time than you might think. So keep an eye on where you are going. But keep your focus on the process instead of that alluring goal. Do it by making today and each day a success.

3. Life is change.

“There is nothing so stable as change.”
As humans, we often want to feel safe. We want certainty. And for a while we may think we have it. And then something always comes along to knock that feeling out of us.
So there is a superstition of safety. This is not just something negative though. It’s also created by your mind so you can function in life. No point in going all paranoid about what could happen a minute from now day in and day out. But there is also not that much point in clinging to an illusion of safety. So you need to find balance where you don’t obsessed by the uncertainty but also recognize that it is there and live accordingly.
As you stop clinging to your safety life also becomes a whole lot more exciting and interesting. You are no longer as confined by an illusion and realize that you set your limits for what you can do and to a large extent create your own freedom in the world. You are no longer building walls to keep yourself safe as those walls wouldn’t protect you anyway.
If you want to grow and move forward it’s not only essential to get used to the thought of life as changing and unknown but also to let go of the past. I wrote a bit about this a few days ago in Let Go! When you let go of the past and old self-images then change becomes so much easier to handle. And growing becomes easier too.
Because if your goal is to get fitter, then when you let go of a self-image of being unhealthy and instead stick to the one where you are healthy you stop working against yourself. Your actions, thoughts and self-image are now aligned. And so doing the right things by eating healthy food and working out becomes the natural thing rather than something you have to push yourself to do every day.

powered by FeedBlitz

Embraceable You

Comparing yourself to others

You are unique. There is no one else like you in the entire universe. In honor of your unique self, it is good to acknowledge and embrace the special qualities that make you the person that you are. One way to do this is to not compare yourself with other people.

It is human nature to want to see how we measure up in comparison to others – especially if we think that they are better than us or have more of something that we want. Yet the truth is that it is not a good use of time to compare ourselves with others because there is no one like us and this makes us incomparable. It is sometimes almost easier to look outside of ourselves and feel like we are deficient in comparison to other people rather than taking responsibility for our own progress in relation to the fulfillment of our life purpose. It actually takes more courage to be self-referential and look at ourselves to see whether we are measuring up to our standards or meeting our full potential. Each of us has very special gifts, and we are here for very specific reasons. We each have a life purpose to fulfill and with this come the lessons that we must learn and the circumstances that we must go through in order to evolve as spiritual beings. To compare our lives to other people’s lives when we have no idea of what they are here to learn or fulfill doesn’t benefit anyone – especially you.

Instead, if we can accept ourselves, appreciate the special talents and qualities that we alone possess, and realize that each of us is going through certain kinds of experiences for a reason, we are less likely focus so much on what other people have or are doing. Realizing and valuing our uniqueness enables us to bring out the best in ourselves so we can get on with living rather than preoccupying ourselves with meaningless comparisons. Try to not compare yourself to others, and you will see how much you have and how special you are.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

Permission to Feel

Pushing away emotions

Throughout our lives, we may experience emotions that disturb or distress us. Often, our first reaction is to push our feelings away. We may say, “I don’t want to think about that right now, I’ll think about it later” and we bury our emotions, deny the validity of our feelings, or distract ourselves with other concerns. But the diverse emotions you experience are neither good nor bad—they are simply a part being human. Choosing not to experience pain, anger, or other intense feelings could cause those feelings to become buried deep into your physical body. There, they may linger unresolved and unable to emerge, even as they affect the way you experience the world. Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions rather than push the more painful ones away can help you come to terms with your feelings so you can experience them and then move on.

It is possible to bring forth the old feelings you have pushed aside and experience them in a safe and enriching way. It may sound silly to set aside time to feel your old wounds that you haven’t dealt with, but this can be a very beneficial healing experience. Find a safel place and pick a time when you can be alone. Make sure that you feel secure and comfortable in your surroundings. Bring to mind the circumstances that originally triggered the emotions you’ve been pushing away. You may need to revisit these circumstances by reading relevant entries in your journal or using visualization to relive your past. Once you have triggered your long-denied emotions, let yourself feel your feelings, and try not to judge your reactions. Cry or sound your emotions if you need to, and don’t block the flow of your feelings. Allow any thoughts that are connected to your emotions to surface. As you release the feelings you have pushed inside of you, you will find yourself healing from the experience associated with these emotions.

When you deal with your feelings directly, they can move through you rather than staying stopped up in your body as emotional blocks that can sometimes turn into disease. Acknowledging your emotions, instead of pushing them away, allows you to stay emotionally healthy and in touch with your feelings.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

In Line With Spirit

Staying on Track

In a world where we have routines for nearly everything—our route to work, our physical fitness regimen, and our weekday schedule—it’s amazing how many people forget to create a routine for meeting their spiritual needs. We run around in an attempt to be at our many appointments on time and meet our many obligations. In our efforts to be as productive as possible, however, our spiritual needs tend to take a backseat. After all, taking care of our spiritual needs doesn’t directly pay the bills or tone our abdominal muscles. We may even wonder who has time to meditate or write in their journal when there are more pressing matters to see to. The truth is that nurturing ourselves spiritually is what gives us the energy and grounding that we need to make sure that our lives stay on track.

How you choose to nurture yourself spiritually is a personal choice. For some people, meditating once a day may be what they need to stay centered. While spending 10-20 minutes with your eyes closed and your brain devoid of thought may seem like a lot of time doing nothing, this state of nothingness actually allows you to stay calm and focused so you can be as productive as possible. Writing in your journal everyday lets you stay in touch with yourself so that you are always tuned in to your feelings. Repeating affirmations for success, happiness, and well-being on a regular basis can help you live with optimism and enthusiasm and create what you want in life.

Having a routine for nurturing your spirit that you do each day lets you feed energy to your soul and can serve you well if your life suddenly takes an unexpected turn into a difficult period. This kind of routine grounds your spirit in your body so that you stay anchored in yourself as you move through each day. Nurturing yourself spiritually allows you to not only stay on track in your life, but it allows for your life to stay on track with what your spirit wants.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

Set Yourself Free

Letting go of perfection

It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.

This doesn’t mean that we don’t strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection—especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.

In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood—an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else’s approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent to being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

What makes me happy

I like it when the person I love takes an interest in what I like, cares about how I feel, considers what I think, admires me, respects me, wants to take care of me, prefers not to hurt me.

What makes me happy is knowing that the person I love wants to be in my life, wants to share my life. I am happy when the person I love exudes self confidence so that when I'm down, he can bring me up. He is comfortable in his own skin so that he can be a beacon of light when I'm sinking in despair.

He can be my sunshine on a rainy day.

He can be a comfortable blanket for me to wrap up in and relax.

I need a man to wipe my tears when I need to cry, be my cheerleader when I'm on a roll, be my road dog when I need to kick some butt.

I need a man who can make me feel like a woman in bed and a queen always.

I need a man who allows me to treat him like a king, someone I can cater to and spoil.

I need a man who is sure of himself so that when he is down, he won't drag everyone with him.

I need a man who can lead my family and take care of all of us while handling his business.

I need a man who can be strong when I'm weak, who has by back and who loves me unconditionally.

That is what makes me happy.

Afformations: The Key That Unlocks “The Secret” (Part 1 of 2)

This is a guest article by Noah St. John, Author of SecretCodeBook.com.

We all know that an “affirmation” is a statement of something you want to be true in your life. So an example of a traditional “affirmation” might be: “I am rich.”All right, let’s try it. Say to yourself right now, “I am rich.” Did you hear what just happened in your mind? A voice… a voice that said: “Yeah, right!”

The plain truth is that most of us don’t believe our own “affirmations”. Why? Because we’re trying to convince ourselves of something we don’t believe is true.

Now, traditional success teachers realized that you may not believe your “affirmations”. So they told us to repeat our “affirmations” a thousand…er, million…uh, kajillion times until you eventually, um, believe them.

Have you ever said positive “affirmations” (for example, “I am rich, I’m happy, I have enough”)… and then had… Absolutely nothing happen?

Me too. And about a gazillion other people. I was in the shower one morning, thinking about how the human mind is always in the process of asking and seeking the answers to questions.

For example, if I asked you, “Why is the sky blue?” – instantly, your brain would start searching for the answer. So I asked myself, “If the human mind is always asking and searching for the answers to questions, why are we going around making statements we don’t believe? Why don’t we cut out the middleman?”

Then I asked, “What would that look like?” I realized that if we make a statement (“affirmation”) that says, “I am rich” and our brain replies, “Yeah, right!” the question might look something like this: why am I so rich?

Come again?

Why am I so rich?

Try it. Right now, ask yourself, “Why am I so rich?” What’s your brain doing right now? Searching for the answer!

Remember Universal Law – “As you sow, so shall you reap”. Most people are unconsciously asking lousy questions, like: “Why am I such a loser? Why can’t I do anything right? How come I’m so lonely?

Why don’t I have enough money?” Guess what they reap? The fruits of what they’ve sown! And that’s how, on that fateful morning, I discovered and named the process of using afformations. Afformations are my discovery of empowering questions (NOT “affirmations”) that cause your mind to focus on what you really want, and stop focusing on what you don’t want.

Here are some examples of Afformations that my students have used with amazing results:

Why am I allowed to be, do and have all that I want in life?

Brandon, an insurance salesman in Salt Lake City who’d spent $30,000 on self-help programs with few results, started using this Afformation in May. In 30 days, his sales tripled – and by the end of the year, his revenues had increased more than 560% and he was named Agent of the Year.

Why do I lose weight so easily?

Monee had tried every diet program out there, but couldn’t lose weight. She began using this Afformation – and lost 20 pounds in 60 days without stress or dieting.

And one of my favorite Afformation stories…

Why am I so enchanting? 7-year-old Adrienne from Alabama came home crying to her mother, Joan, sobbing, “Why does everyone hate me?” Joan, who had read my books, told Adrienne, “Honey, you’re asking the wrong question!” She explained Afformations to her daughter, who started afforming, “Why am I so enchanting?”

Adrienne would repeat her Afformation over and over, out loud. Then one day, she came home from school with a picture one of her classmates had drawn – it was a heart with two little girls holding hands that read, “I’m so glad we’re friends!” When I asked Joan how long it had taken for Adrienne’s transformation to take place, she told me – less than one week!

Afformations are an incredibly powerful method I’ve taught people since 1997 to change your questions and change your life. In Part Two of this series, I’ll show you the simple 4-step Afformations Method to manifest anything you really want twice as fast with half the effort. So check back tomorrow for that one.

Noah St. John, Ph.D. is Founder of www.SuccessClinic.com and inventor of Afformations. He’s also the author of the new book The Secret Code of Success: 7 Hidden Steps to More Wealth and Happiness (Collins). You can get the first three chapters of Noah’s Secret Code Book (free) and connect with other Secret Code readers at http://www.SecretCodeBook.com. For a 60-Second Afformation Stress Buster (free), go to http://www.iAfform.com

If you enjoyed this article, please share it on Stumbleupon or vote for it on Digg. Thanks a lot! =)

The Most Fulfilling Road

Finding Your Next Step in Life

Our lives are made up of a complex network of pathways that we can use to move from one phase of life to the next. For some of us, our paths are wide, smooth, and clearly marked. Many people, however, find that they have a difficult time figuring out where they need to go next. Determining which “next step” will land you on the most direct route to fulfillment and the realization of your life purpose may not seem easy.

There are many ways to discover what the next step on your life path should be. If you are someone who seeks to satisfy your soul, it is vital that you make this inquiry. Often, your inner voice will counsel you that it’s time for a change, and it is very important to trust yourself because only you know what is best for you. Personal growth always results when you let yourself expand beyond the farthest borders of what your life has been so far. When figuring out what your next step will be, you may want to review your life experiences. The choices you’ve made and the dreams you’ve held onto can give you an idea of what you don’t want to do anymore and what you might like to do next. It is also a good idea to think about creative ways you can use your skills and satisfy your passions. Visualizing your perfect future and making a list of ways to manifest that future can help you choose a logical next step that’s in harmony with your desires. Meditation, journal writing, taking a class, and other creative activities may inspire you and provide insight regarding the next step in life that will bring you the most satisfaction.

It is when you are willing to listen to yourself and be fearless that figuring out your next step becomes easy. Beneath the fear and hesitation and uncertainty lies your inner knowing that always knows which step you need to take next. If you can allow the taking of your next step to be as easy as putting one foot in front of the next, you’ll notice that your next step is always the one that is right in front of you. All you have to do is put one foot forward and on the ground.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

The Ways We Love

Choosing to Have a Mate or Being Single

The way we choose to love can be as unique as the way we choose to make a living, maintain our health, or entertain ourselves. Some choose to seek out a mate and enter into a partnership with a special individual, while others find immense satisfaction in staying single. There is no right or wrong way to be in your life when it comes to deciding whether or not to be in a relationship, even though society tends to put an emphasis on romantic partnerships. Whether you choose to go through life as part of a romantic relationship or live as a single unit, there are benefits to both. Feel free to be comfortable with whatever choice is right for you.

Choosing to be single is a wonderful way to spend time discovering yourself. You have more time and space to figure out what and how you want your life to be without having to keep someone else’s choices in mind. Being single gives you the freedom to do what you want at a moment’s notice and the pride that comes with facing life on your own terms. Companionship, support, and affection can be found while spending quality time with friends, colleagues, and relatives. There is also the fun that comes with being able to date many different people without having to make a commitment. Choosing to have a mate, on the other hand, brings with it an opportunity to share your life with another person. There is comfort in the knowledge that you are facing the world with someone as a united front. When life is challenging, you are in a position to strengthen, as well as give each other comfort. There is also the inevitable transformation of self that comes from allowing another person to so intimately be a part of your life.

Remember that what is right for one person may not be right for another, and people can transition between wanting to be with another person and wanting to be alone many times over the course of their lives. Whether you seek out a mate or live the single life, embracing it fully will ensure that either choice is as fulfilling as possible for you.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

Working Through Silence

Noise as a Distraction

Our lives are typically filled with noise. There are the noises from the outside world that we cannot control, and there are the noises we allow into our lives. These noises, from seemingly innocuous sources like the television and radio, can actually help us avoid dealing with uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. However, using noise as a distraction hurts more than it helps because you are numbing yourself to what may be internally bubbling up to the surface for you to look at and heal. Distracting yourself with talk-radio, television, or other background noises can also prevent you from finding closure to issues that haunt you.

Noise as a distraction can affect us in many ways. It can help you stay numb to emotions that you don’t want to feel, allow you to avoid dealing with problems, distract you from having to think, and make it easier for you to forget reality. Drowning out the thoughts and emotions you find uncomfortable or overwhelming can complicate your issues because it allows them to fester. By tuning out noise and relishing silence, you create the space to experience and express what you are hiding. It is only then that self-exploration can begin in earnest and you can stare down frightening issues. In silence, it becomes easier to let your strongest feelings come forth, deal with them, and find new ways of resolving your problems.

When you go within without the veil of noise to shield you from yourself, you’ll be able to figure out what you need to heal. Embracing silence and introspection allows you to work through your thoughts and emotions and transmute them. Free of the need for noise, you can accept your pain, anger, and frustration as they come up and turn them into opportunities to evolve.

© 2004-08 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved