Keeping it real part 3

He asked me if I thought he was using me. I said no. He is but I'm allowing it so therefore I'm okay with it. In a relationship, there is a giver and a taker. He is a taker and I am a giver. I don't have a problem with it until it becomes the norm. I've never been in a relationship when it is reciprocal. I have usually been the giver and I usually get the shaft. I want to be the taker but when I am, I get bored. I prefer to be the giver but to a point. If I am being used, I have a problem with it. Especially if I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it. If I am, it is no problem. I need to know I am needed and APPRECIATED. I don't like being taken for granted although it is a natural, human tendency.

I think the reason he asked me that out of the blue is because he wanted to see if I thought he was. I do but I denied I did. Why? I'm afraid I'll hurt his feelings by being honest. But he brought it up! What the hell is wrong with me? I HAVE to learn how to be honest and keep it real. Being an adult and acting like it is a bitch. We have to deal with the real or just be phony. I must learn not to care about others' feelings and care about mine. Everybody else seems to have gotten that memo but me.

I want to say what I feel, keep it real and do me. It is easier said than done but I will be happier in the long run. Doing me and keeping it real feels VERY GOOD. Right now, I'm doing me and I am extremely content. Perhaps I will get it one day and let this carry over into all the other aspects of my life, especially when it comes to my relationship. I have to accept that it is okay if he doesn't agree with me or like what I'm saying or doing. I HAVE TO DO ME! Forget about everything else. I was born into this world alone and I will die alone. I can't take anything or anyone with me. I will pray on this.